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Marriage
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
***
At a cocktail party, one woman said to
another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on
the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
***
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the
classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
***
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her
keep him.
***
A woman is incomplete until she is
married.
Then she is finished.
***
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"
Father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."
***
Young son:
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of
Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?"
Dad:
"That happens in every country, son."
***
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
***
Marriage is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence
***
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you
say,
talk in your sleep.
***
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
***
First guy:
"My wife's an angel!"
Second guy:
"You're lucky, mine's still alive."
***
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are attractive to the
opposite sex.
***
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus
stop
with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few
minutes.
When the bus arrives,
they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the nine kids are able
to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to
walk.
After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the
ticking of the stick of the blind man as
he taps it on the sidewalk,
and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at
the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies,
"If you would've put a rubber at the end
of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell
up."
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